A night of Arthur Miller at Central High School

Nate after The Crucible

Nate as Reverend Hale on the right. Unfortunately you have to
look past the lady that that ruined my photo op!

Tonight was Nathans first high school play. The Crucible was dark, wicked and the best production of the night. Reverend Hale had an awesome performance! The cast did a great job in breaking down the story into a 20 min play. If anyone remembers the story. Hale comes from out of town to help rid the town of all the witchcraft. For the play to be cut to fit the timing, all the characters acted in the dark evil chants scenes. then of course Hale had some scenes with the main characters. I must say that he had a major part.

No suprise as many know that Nate was in The Sound of MUsic last year with a major part as the butler. He truly has a talent for theatre. Not quite sure which side of the family the talent came from. I hope that we will see more productions in the next three years of school.

Rantings from an exhausted nurse

i do not even know where to begin. my mind is so beyond tired. it feels as all i have done for the last month or so is work at plaza. don't take it wrong, as i am glad to have a job that can crank out the dough, but some days i wonder at what cost to me. i have been working what seems like three 12hr night shifts a week during this period. and all who know me, understand that i am not one that gets too excited about working more than i need to. however, it has been great to pay the bills and have cash left over in the end. i was hoping to pump out some more plaza medical center until the end of may and then let summer break begin. but let me say, that i have reached my level of patience tonight.

i am fortunate to have a job that i usually like, but the expectations of society and the many business models have changed the focus of nursing. often, i feel like less than an adequate babysitter due to staffing ratios and a great legal drug dealer all in a night. i should not judge, but heaven forgive me i do. i just do not understand why a person would want to remain in a drug induced state. sometimes the amount of narcotics i give a single individual would place me six feet under. and yet, it hardly touches them or they are afraid to sleep and relax for fear that they will miss their next dose. now really, is this what life is supposed to be about. i have been yelled and cursed at more than my share in the last week. it is exhausting. management saying to make it right or the patient might go to another hospital....please go to that other hospital! then we can take care of the truly sick . and please do not preach to me any more about the fish philosophy. unless you can come out of your office and put on a pair of scrubs to work and see what is really going on outside of your closed door. maybe a good nap will change my mood.

i was filling out some forms yesterday that required copies of paystubs. as i was going about this once again annoying paper work, it dawned on me to actually look at my hours worked. it appears that really in all of these extra hours i have been doing, that i have not been paid for a portion either in hours of promised bonus money. not quite sure, but addition i do know how to do. arrgh. maybe this was a sign to just take a chill. steve has not said...dear go to work more...kel we don't want you home. nate has not said ...mom, please work so i don't have to see you. although, nathan has no problem saying mom can i have can i have....hahaha. some may say sarcastically, oh what a pity. i do not mean to wine and maybe all i really need is that nap. but work has a way of taking every little bit they can. it is a scarifice to my life to go in when they beg and plead. my house is in disarray, i lack sleep and get a little too grumpy. oh yeah, and don't ask me to really cook during these stretches. the least they can do, is give the money which was promised.

so i feel a little better now getting some of this off my chest. i will attempt to enjoy these next days off and mentally regroup to return to work with an improved attitude :)

my three sweet beauties

Kelsie, Miranda and Maddison
it is time for me to get over my hurt of the loss of these three sweet girls. the anger towards the system and very mean workers must exit my soul. therefore, i am making an entry dedicated to the time we shared. heavenly father sent these girls to us for a reason, whether the purpose was for them or us, we will not know until we meet again in the heavens. i am forever thankful for the memories created; even if they will never have a memory or thought of the times we shared. i will always wonder what they became and if their dreams were fulfilled. my mind is hopeful that i touched each of them in just the right way. i am hopeful that this chapter in my life was successful in its purpose. i would like to think this journey was just the beginning of something even better to come. i miss them and will always love these the little girls that came to our lives!

Nate all GQ

Nate all dressed up for his swim banquet tonight. I think he has some great taste in style and color!

Just Pondering

Today the sky was beautiful and the weather nice and i was able to enjoy nature as i worked in the yard. my mind was free for a short couple of hours from the trials life has dealt. I was able to see, if only for this time, that there is so much more life has to offer than the sorrow which i have felt. Nathan and I went to the store and bought a big ball and played outside like a couple of kids. how energetic i felt and (probably) embarrassed he was, but it was some great therapy for me. I have been so down in the dumps for days and am eagerly looking forward to many better days to come. I ended the day with a good phone conversation with a very special friend. Thank you M.

funeral

i felt bad for all my cousins and other relatives at the funeral. it was obvious that they had a great relationship with grandpa. he had a very important and active role in their lives. i on the other hand just took it all in. grandma and grandpa warr, were not very active in our lives. i knew they loved me...but for what ever reason...the relationship was different. i often thought that i imagined all this until about 2 years ago when grandpa came to texas. one day, nathaniel and i were taking grandpa to get lunch. during the conversation of the afternoon, grandpa proceeded to apologize to me for the past years of not spending with us and viewing us as different. i told him that it was okay and that i knew he loved me and the day went on.

i was able to reflect this past week of the memories that i do have. mostly consisting of holidays, but sweet they are. i have very little regrets on this part of my life. i believe blaine and leona are both back together happily in the heavens above.

as for the day, i really enjoyed seeing everyone and getting caught up on life. one might say that my uncle eric and i never left the table with all the food. as the evening wound down, some went to the movies and others went hot tubing. neither sounded like a good option as i had an hour drive back to my father in laws. i stayed behind and spent some time just chatting and listening to summer, porter, sidney and i think tanner talk about their lives and interests with school. we then an attempted a game of pictionary and off to riverside i went.

the rest of the weekend was just as nice. larry treated me to three great meals and pleasant conversation. i was able to see grandpa "whitey" squires and fran while watching a session of conference. i also spent a little time with my parents who were temporarily away from their mission site.

a safe plane trip home and now its back to the grind....hoping for no more funerals any time soon!