If there is such a thing...
When I was young I was pretty good about journaling. I have a large, white hardback journal that I finally completed sometime early in my marriage then started another before moving to Texas. Sometime in 2003, I started keeping a journal for Nathaniel based from my eyes. Then some major issues developed and I was too embarrassed to write them down in a real book so I started using a regular school notebook (with all intent of discarding it someday). Time healed or so I thought and for a time, I stopped recording (a personal journal) that is. March 30th 2008 was the day that I began to blog. It was a very sad time in my life (and could not be hid from most) and it was time to start letting it out. I was no longer a young woman and yet I was not old. I began to recognize my dreams may not ever be fulfilled. I had enough heartache to fill a gigantic hole. Years of infertility, failed adoption (and a thorn that wore heavily on every part of life) and a marriage that had been rocky for most of its years all came flooding out....and I have not stopped writing since. I was a woman who felt that I was alone and that there was not another who could relate or provide solace. I find therapy in letting out my experiences...both happy or sad, on a personal level or the family as a whole. These experiences have helped shape who I now am. Whether good or bad...right or wrong....I now do things that I may not have done before or do them different. This is and has been my journey and I want to share. To have words for my posterity to read and maybe to help another soul know they are not alone in their similar struggles. I may not be the best writer...but I want to enjoy my time pretending. It has proven to not only be therapeutic, but also a great way to record the events of my life and that with my family. Words show emotion, heart and desire....in the end I hope mine shows a woman who did her best and found unconditional love, joy and fulfilment and provided something to those she loves, those who were only with her a short time, and to those who were ever around her.
