my three sweet beauties

Kelsie, Miranda and Maddison
it is time for me to get over my hurt of the loss of these three sweet girls. the anger towards the system and very mean workers must exit my soul. therefore, i am making an entry dedicated to the time we shared. heavenly father sent these girls to us for a reason, whether the purpose was for them or us, we will not know until we meet again in the heavens. i am forever thankful for the memories created; even if they will never have a memory or thought of the times we shared. i will always wonder what they became and if their dreams were fulfilled. my mind is hopeful that i touched each of them in just the right way. i am hopeful that this chapter in my life was successful in its purpose. i would like to think this journey was just the beginning of something even better to come. i miss them and will always love these the little girls that came to our lives!

Nate all GQ

Nate all dressed up for his swim banquet tonight. I think he has some great taste in style and color!

Just Pondering

Today the sky was beautiful and the weather nice and i was able to enjoy nature as i worked in the yard. my mind was free for a short couple of hours from the trials life has dealt. I was able to see, if only for this time, that there is so much more life has to offer than the sorrow which i have felt. Nathan and I went to the store and bought a big ball and played outside like a couple of kids. how energetic i felt and (probably) embarrassed he was, but it was some great therapy for me. I have been so down in the dumps for days and am eagerly looking forward to many better days to come. I ended the day with a good phone conversation with a very special friend. Thank you M.

funeral

i felt bad for all my cousins and other relatives at the funeral. it was obvious that they had a great relationship with grandpa. he had a very important and active role in their lives. i on the other hand just took it all in. grandma and grandpa warr, were not very active in our lives. i knew they loved me...but for what ever reason...the relationship was different. i often thought that i imagined all this until about 2 years ago when grandpa came to texas. one day, nathaniel and i were taking grandpa to get lunch. during the conversation of the afternoon, grandpa proceeded to apologize to me for the past years of not spending with us and viewing us as different. i told him that it was okay and that i knew he loved me and the day went on.

i was able to reflect this past week of the memories that i do have. mostly consisting of holidays, but sweet they are. i have very little regrets on this part of my life. i believe blaine and leona are both back together happily in the heavens above.

as for the day, i really enjoyed seeing everyone and getting caught up on life. one might say that my uncle eric and i never left the table with all the food. as the evening wound down, some went to the movies and others went hot tubing. neither sounded like a good option as i had an hour drive back to my father in laws. i stayed behind and spent some time just chatting and listening to summer, porter, sidney and i think tanner talk about their lives and interests with school. we then an attempted a game of pictionary and off to riverside i went.

the rest of the weekend was just as nice. larry treated me to three great meals and pleasant conversation. i was able to see grandpa "whitey" squires and fran while watching a session of conference. i also spent a little time with my parents who were temporarily away from their mission site.

a safe plane trip home and now its back to the grind....hoping for no more funerals any time soon!