As the years have progressed, I have finally quit thinking about, dreaming about and wondering about our little Miranda everyday. For a very long time, she consumed almost every space in my head, leading to some very sad years. Even when we had Maddi, Kelsie and Kalista, Miranda was always in the forefront of my thoughts. I could not help wondering why we were not blessed to raise this sweet, precious child that we brought life back into. The whole experience left me more empty than I could have ever imagined before she came into my life.
As we are getting ready to have carpet layed in the house, I was working on emptying out the closet in the guest/kids room. I came across the chalkboard that was once in the room. In beautiful writing it said Miranda's Room. Lying on the easel was a letter "M" that hung by ribbon and two of her head bows. Seeing this just about took my breath away. It dawned on me that I do not think of her constantly any longer and it had been awhile. I went to erase the saying and found myself unable to, so i left it as is and placed it in the garage. I must have placed it in the far back after I came to terms that she would not returning. I then redecorated the room to how it is now.
I can not help myself as I reflect upon our short time with this sweet little girl. The sheer joy that we received from her presence. The long nights from helping her detox from the meth her parents put in her system. To the wonderful spring holidays we shared. I am not depressed nor do I have any regrets having brought Miranda into our lives. I will always wonder where she is, what she is doing and if she was ever given the scrapbook of this part of her life. I hope that the Lord will allow me this peace at some point.