Let There Be Light

Stephanie and Me

This past week my sister-in-law and brother invited me to go to Christmas Eve service with them at their church. With all the changes in life right now, I happily agreed to go tonight, believing that a Christmas service was exactly what I needed. Brody (brother) did give me a heads up that the service would be totally different from the church that we grew up in (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints). The dress was far more casual and the church has a band. And wow....what a nursery these kiddos have to play in.

The first half of the service was the band and congregation singing Christmas hymns. I must say that they had a strong sounding resemblance to Cold Play. There were also little video clips portraying the message and theme of Christmas and the intended thought. Then the pastor spoke. He was extremely energetic and spoke very differently than what I am used to...but his message was strong. To summarize his thoughts....God provided light, Jesus Christ is the light and we need embrace both of these. To place our burdens upon Jesus and to let go of our errors or errors that unwillingly came our way. To embrace God in our everyday actions and let healing begin. The service concluded with a little prayer and a couple more songs.

I spoke with the pastor afterwards. We had a short conversation as I thanked him for welcoming me to his church. He asked about my faith, was very respectful and never tried to sway me of that being wrong. I would feel very comfortable visiting again if the season or series that they offered felt right.

Faith and Prayer

(journal entry from feb 8, 2010)

I keep having this thought come into my head for a week or so now. Did you think to pray? I can not remember the last time I truly prayed. I can not remember when I stopped praying. Was it when I realized that I would not become pregnant again. Was it when they took our last foster daughter from us and placed her back with a lousy mother. Was it when I started to pray that I would just have peace with the whole building the family issue and that answer never came. Could it be the last time I went to church and really felt welcome. There are a lot of what ifs....and I just don't know. Occasionally, I feel the need to thank my Heavenly Father for the good health and the blessing of being alive. Daily in my heart, I am grateful for having been blessed with Nathaniel. Often, I am thankful for the strength that I have to be stubborn enough to keep going and hoping for a positive outlook to my life.

But the question still is not answered. Did you think to pray? I guess my answer has been no for some time. Now do I just wake up one day and decide to pray again....I do not know. I do not know if prayers are really ever answered. I used to believe that if you pray diligently and were faithful, answers would eventually come. But my eyes have been opened to a different world. One that is not always good like many people in church preach. I did pray with all my heart and soul. I did fulfill religious obligations faithfully. And still....I have yet to recognize my answers to many prayers. So do I start to pray about the purpose of prayer?

I do not need attacks, but welcome thoughtful comments.