Eighteen years ago today, I gave birth to a wonderful little baby boy. I remember how happy I was to find out that we were expecting....and after nine months of a somewhat hard pregnancy to hold him in my arms. How beautiful my little Nathaniel J. was.
Oh the lessons that I would soon learn. The life experiences that were gained and lost all over this period of time.
Little did I know back then that Nathan would be my one and only. The things that I would have done differently. I am guessing that is why we don't know what the future holds.
For most of this young mans life, I struggled with the demon of trying to expand our family. Focusing on this and probably missing many little things. Not realizing that for a span....we didn't even have a camera. The years of juggling motherhood and a job....and then later school in this mix.
My joys and regrets were so ingrained in me, that I spent as much time with him and his activities the past 4-5 years, that I am now feeling lost. Very reflective. Often full of What Ifs. Hoping that as Nathaniel grows older, he will later understand everything that I did....forgive me for my flaws...and most importantly know the love that I have for him.
Happy 18th birthday my son!