Sunday, January 10, 2010

Just something to blog

Nathaniel (the joy of my existence) and his loving mom (me)

I was at work the other night and was pondering my life....big the late night hours make me relive all events (both good and bad) that are remembered. On this particular night, I was lamenting about how I have not been the best mother and I let the guilt knive dig deep into the gut. I have made many mistakes and somehow never manage to forgive myself. This leads to even more guilt and so on. Well on this particular night, I realized that I have failed at taking enough pictures, scrapbooking those that I do have, worked my sons whole life and wasted most of my time raising him plagued by infertility for baby #2.
Now it has not been all bad....with the ups and downs has been a lot of good. But this awarnenesss has come with age and understanding. I am learning that I must forgive myself for the errors in order to relish my journey in this life and the blessing of being a mom.
I am not new to blogging, but am creating this blog to journal my random memories of raising my son. I want to be able to remember in the years to come (if the mind should ever be taken from me). To serve as a reminder that I did my best. And if nothing else, maybe help someone else with the same trials understand that they are not alone in the learning of motherhood.
Being the perfectionist I strive to be, I already have to forgive myself, as I know many dates and ages may be forgotten. I ask all of you moms out there to wish me luck in this endeavor.

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