But I am not that nurse at this time in my life. This is not my focus and has not been from almost the beginning. Becoming a nurse was a means to making money and having great flexibility. It was meant to allow me to be home with the other children that were supposed to enter our lives. I had fought against my plight of working and fell into this career. Don't get me wrong...I worked hard to get here. I do not have regrets about earning my degree and license. I do have knowledge and skills. I am definately a people person and thrive on a fast paced environment. This just was not my plan and I am tired.
My two shifts this week were overwhelming and just plain exhausting. I had a hard time staying awake during both shifts (usually not a big issue). My mind waundered on the first night. I could not focus and did not have the energy to want to put out the extra effort needed. I did not connect all the dots....fortunately it did not lead to any misfortunes. Usually I make myself wake up around 3pm to relax, check email and think about dinner. It was all I could do to make myself get up 1 1/2 hours later than normal.
I walked into work with a foggy mind. I should have took it as a sign to how the night was to go. I
Maybe in time, I will have more focus for a career. I might want to study and make it more of a priority. Maybe in time, I will be the leader that my boss always asks me to become. Eventually, I will feel more confident as I work in these areas that I have chose. Eventually, I will leave working nights and switch to days....maybe when this time comes...I will know that everything was meant to be and I will know that I have done something good and it wasn't all about the money.