For the past week or so, I have sat down to do a much needed post. Unfortunately, the words will not flow. Numerous attempts and blanks pages....SIGH!!!
I have so much that I want to say....and whether it is fear of actually jotting it down or the unsurety (is that even a word?) of the appropriateness of my intended content....my fingers and brain will just not work in harmony.
This is typical for me. It always seems when I have some serious discontent in my life, I find myself wanting to hide. Craving ways to avoid having to face my realities and those around me. So many women are strong and are able to stand up to the disharmony they face. I am not one of them. Able to preach to the choir and often unable to follow through with her own advice. Wishing that I will one day wake up strong enough to make those changes that should have been made years ago.
Then I find myself thinking, why is it that my trials are not supposed to happen to faithful Mormon women. Really, what a crock of bull. Trials, failed dreams and unplanned life events can happen to anyone. It just seems worse when you are a Mormon...and don't fit into that bubble. I do not know if a non Mormon (or a Mormon who has always been in this bubble) can even begin to understand.
So how do I cope? Depression, drugs and alcohol are not an option. So I have unintentionally increased my intake of diet coke. Really, how more unhealthy can I be. But, with the increased stress, fear or whatever you call it....the more I crave the cold, bubbly, aspartame drink. I guess there can be worse things. RIGHT.