I have so much that I want to say....and whether it is fear of actually jotting it down or the unsurety (is that even a word?) of the appropriateness of my intended content....my fingers and brain will just not work in harmony.
This is typical for me. It always seems when I have some serious discontent in my life, I find myself wanting to hide. Craving ways to avoid having to face my realities and those around me. So many women are strong and are able to stand up to the disharmony they face. I am not one of them. Able to preach to the choir and often unable to follow through with her own advice. Wishing that I will one day wake up strong enough to make those changes that should have been made years ago.
Then I find myself thinking, why is it that my trials are not supposed to happen to faithful Mormon women. Really, what a crock of bull. Trials, failed dreams and unplanned life events can happen to anyone. It just seems worse when you are a Mormon...and don't fit into that bubble. I do not know if a non Mormon (or a Mormon who has always been in this bubble) can even begin to understand.
So how do I cope? Depression, drugs and alcohol are not an option. So I have unintentionally increased my intake of diet coke. Really, how more unhealthy can I be. But, with the increased stress, fear or whatever you call it....the more I crave the cold, bubbly, aspartame drink. I guess there can be worse things. RIGHT.
Well, I know what your problem is: Diet Coke. Seriously you need to lay off that stuff and switch IMMEDIATELY to Diet Dr Pepper. And if you can find those little powdered drinks that you add to bottled water called Deton-8 at Krogers, just the better. Caffeine is my cigarette and alcohol...and I dont even get bad breath drinking it.
ReplyDeleteBad things happen to good people. that is what sucks. I had a crappy childhood (screweduptexan.blogspot.com tells my story) and I am from a Mormon convert family. You don't expect those kinds of things to happen to LDS families. But it does. And time (and caffeine) make you more confident....not to mention a deep faith in our Lord and Heavenly Father. I still struggle to this day with things that happened twenty years ago and I think that I always will for the rest of my mortal life. I think you should share what some of your struggles are--it helped me to find acceptance with myself. If you do it online or in private, either way it will help just to get it out.
You go enjoy your Diet Coke and don't give it another thought! We love you Kelly!
ReplyDeleteI don't think that bubble exsists! :0)